Success!!! Thanks to everyone for their support on my inaugural blog post last month. Because of the feedback that I received from a large group of parents, I thought I would continue on the social media theme this month. Because there are so many social media apps and websites, I left some newer social media apps/websites out. This month I will include those as well as attempt to include some other tips for middle school parents who may be finding their child especially hard to deal with during this long, cold winter.
As you may recall, social media for tweens and adolescents means completely different things than it does for us. To this age group, acquiring friends on social media is like receiving candy on Halloween – the more you have the better. Just as they didn’t think to look for tampered candy when they were little, they don’t think about “tampered” or unsafe friends now. Predators have learned how to be savvy on social media sites so parents must be aware of the things that can happen while using many of these apps and websites. More sites to be aware of (I will list the app name and then the website in parenthesis):
Whisper (whisper.sh) – Whisper is a social media site that encourages users to share their “secrets” via a picture with text written over the top of it. Originally it was marketed to adults but just like everything else, it has begun to trickle down to younger users. Aside from your child being subjected to inappropriate language and pictures there are other bigger issues that parents should be concerned about. The Apple Store has rated this app as 17+ because of the suggestive messages and photos possible. However, Whisper also reveals a user’s location (even though it is marketed as an anonymous user app) which can make it easier for predators to track the user’s movements. In true adolescent fashion (a general lack of good decision-making), students have been known to use Whisper to cyber bully other students and make fun of staff members in their school. You can read more about Whisper here.
Tinder(goTinder.com) – Tinder is another app that may not have quite hit your child’s radar. However if they have older siblings, friends, or relatives it won’t be long. Tinder has been marketed as an online “hookup” (to most middle schoolers, this just means making out) or possible one night stand finder. It’s tagline “Tinder is how people meet. It's like real life, but better” promotes meeting new people in a “better” way. Hmmm seems intriguing to a 13 year-old, right? Well, only until the adult gets to know how it works. Ready? Here it goes:
Tinder uses location services that are enabled when the app is downloaded to make suggestions to nearby users. Users are shown a picture (yes the user must upload a picture) of someone nearby and the recipient then accepts or rejects the picture as someone that they are interested in getting to know. It reminds me of speed dating except faster and even less personal (just when I thought dating couldn’t get more impersonal) – the worst part is you never know if the pic that is being sent is REALLY who they appear to be. Let’s think about that for a moment……now ask yourself “How am I going to patrol all of this?” Visiting Common Sense Media can give you some very helpful tips on tracking your child without stalking them as well as some other up and coming apps and sites that may interest your child. Want more on Tinder? Click here
Now for a couple of tips for those of you who may be new to this whole “adolescent behavior” change. For those of you who aren’t, you know exactly what I am talking about. Every year I have conversations with at least a dozen families at one time or another to discuss the behavior that “parents have never seen before” in their middle school children. I know it doesn’t seem like many, but consider that the counseling staff probably has 3-4 times that number of conversations – EACH! Anyway, here is what you need to remember: middle school is when children begin to stretch their proverbial wings. Notice I said stretch, not take flight. What does that mean for you? It means that as they progress through 6th, 7th and 8th grade chances are they are going to share less and less with you. They begin to assert their independence from their “family” and want to make decisions. Each child’s rate is different so your second child will probably not progress through it like your first.
What does that look like? Any number of things can occur during this transition period. Here is an example,
“How was school today,” you might ask.
“Fine.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
Are you seeing a trend yet? Wait, it gets better.
“Did you see (insert friend’s name here)?”
“Yes.”
“Anything new with them?”
At which point, your child either shoots you the rolling eye look, breaks down into a fit of rage (or crying), or simply shrugs. At this point you begin to wonder if you should take them to a doctor. Don’t fret too much, this is typical. Like I said they begin to spread their wings, and yes sometimes that means “stop talking to Mom and Dad.” The other thing they like to do is stretch/push boundaries. They are beginning to feel as though they are old enough to make their own decisions. And in some respects they are correct. But you don’t have to let them know that…
Please send any questions or topics that you would like to see covered in a future blog post to: kris.weiss@kaneland.org. Please stay safe and warm as old man winter makes his slow and painful march toward spring.
